These are the anecdotes that I skillfully attempt to slip in each and every conversation.

Why no, I do not have any shame. Why do you ask?

Completed marathon in 4:29:29

The 2010 Philadelphia Marathon. Sure, a few senior citizens did pass me, but if you use Paul Ryan’s math it’s a 3:15:21.

Rabies vaccinated

I had a run-in with a rabid bat. Over the years I’ve been able to artfully bend the facts into a entertaining tale in which I almost come off as heroic.

Best Minesweeper Times:

Beginner – 8 seconds
Intermediate – 38 seconds
Expert – 144 seconds